


You Learned To Be A Man Without Losing The Boy in You

by breathedeep222



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Happy Ending, M/M, Menstruation, Trans Male Character, discussion of menstruation, mentions of transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2017-12-31
Packaged: 2019-02-25 19:12:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13219359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/breathedeep222/pseuds/breathedeep222
Summary: This is a sequel to The Other Yuri. That I promised in MAY and finally finished omg.Yuri deals with needing to come out to Otabek and figuring out what being trans means for him.See author's notes for details about the menstruation warning.





	You Learned To Be A Man Without Losing The Boy in You

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah I know I said "a few weeks" and I SWEAR I did originally have a short sequel planned. But then I started writing, and this fic got longer and longer and longer. And I've never written anything this long, even writing short fics is hard for me so finishing this was a hurdle. But I was NOT going to let this go into next year so here we are!
> 
> Warning:
> 
> In the fic there is a scene where Yuri gets his period but he forgot to buy any pads or tampons or anything. He reacts poorly to the situation and it makes him feel very dysphoric. Do not read if that is something that might trigger you.

There was a knock on his door and Yuri growled from beneath his blanket.

 

"Yuri? Are you going to eat dinner? Yakov mad pirozhki."

 

"Leave me alone!" he shouted back, not bothering to move from between his blanket shield.

 

Yuri was exhausted. The past week had been overwhelming to say the least. After their post freak out breakfast it had been nothing but the other Yuuri constantly coming over and asking him questions and giving him advice and websites and support group recommendations, which Yuri quickly had to shut down because he was not going to hold hands with some kids he didn't know and sing kum ba yah or whatever. Throw in him telling Yakov and that was all Yuri had done this whole week. He looked at all the information the other Yuuri had given him and his head was spinning. There were hormones and surgeries and binders and weird types of underwear for fuck's sake. He had no idea how he was supposed to start this. He hadn't considered any of this when he came out. All he knew was that he wasn't a girl and he had to tell someone. He did not at all consider what that would ultimately entail.

 

Yuri didn't know if he was being selfish. He had a family that accepted him which was rare, and he still regretted his choices because he had too many options. It felt ridiculous, but he didn't want options. He just wanted...

 

Yuri stuffed his face into his pillow and groaned into it. What he wanted was to be a man, wasn't it? So why was he so freaked out about everything that could do just that? He knew he could talk to the other Yuuri about what he was feeling but the truth was the other Yuuri wasn't his friend. He was so nice and helpful and going forward would probably play an important part in his life but that's not what he wanted. He wanted to talk to a friend about this stuff. He wanted Beka.

 

Except he still hadn't told Beka. He hadn't talked to him at all since last week and he knew that was horrible. He and Beka had never gone this long without talking and Otabek was probably extremely confused and worried about him but Yuri couldn't bring himself to say anything. When he told Victor the truth he wasn't thinking, and when he told Yakov he was nervous, sure, but he wasn't that scared. He knew Yakov loved him and even if he didn't understand it at first he didn't think Yakov would do anything like kick him out. And even if he did it would be horrible but Yuri knew Victor wouldn't ever abandon him. He would have somewhere new to live. But he couldn't get a new best friend.

 

Thinking about telling Otabek he was trans paralyzed him. He had stared at his phone countless times trying to figure out if he should call or text or say anything, but then the reality of Beka not wanting to be his friend hit him and he couldn't face it. Living as a guy almost didn't seem worth it if he'd lose the person closest to him.

 

But this was getting ridiculous. Yuri ignored Otabek for a week and he would definitely lose Otabek if he didn't say something.

 

Yuri bit his lip and scrolled through the countless messages from Beka asking what was wrong etc. They had petered off in the last few days and the last one was from two days ago. He didn't want Beka to keep worrying or be mad at him, even if he had every right to. Yuri also just wanted to talk to him. Even if he didn't tell Beka the truth right away and couldn't specifically talk about what was wrong he knew just being around his friend and escaping the overbearing attention of his brother and the other Yuuri would make him feel better.

 

And Otabek didn't need to know right away, did he? It wasn't like Yuri was going to look any different tomorrow, or even a month from now. He could buy himself some time and keep letting Beka think he was a girl.

 

Mind made up, Yuri finally untangled himself from his sheets and walked over to his closet. He grabbed a bag and filled it with two shirts and underwear. Then he grabbed another t-shirt and a pair of jeans and pulled them on. It was his favorite cat t-shirt, a bright blue with a colorful collage of cat face. Yuri stroked his hand over it and smiled. The whole thing was too bright and he loved it. Looking at himself on the mirror now, hair down, he wondered if it was too girly to keep. Maybe it would look better if he could bind his chest, but he had learned his lesson about the bandages and wasn't going to do anything without a real binder. The bruises had mostly faded but if Yuri pressed the right spots he could feel a little sting of pain, or maybe it was just his own embarrassment. Either way, just wearing his sports bra underneath the shirt with his hair loose made him look like a regular girl, which he supposed was a good thing for his current purposes. Still, Yuri did want to look more like a guy eventually and he wondered if he should get rid of the shirt. He went through some of his other clothes in his head and knew a lot of it wasn't stuff a normal guy would wear. His clothes would just be one more thing he'd have to change. He stared into his closet for a minute and then closed the door with a sigh. He'd deal with that later.

 

Yuri picked up the bag he packed and made a pit stop at the bathroom downstairs to get his toothbrush and then headed for the front door. He could hear Yakov and Victor eating dinner and talking in the kitchen and Yuri headed that direction, hovering in the doorway until they noticed him.

 

"Hey Yuri!" Victor greeted, looking way too happy about seeing him out of his room. "The pirozhkis finally got you out of your nest?"

 

"I'm going to Beka's," he told them.

 

They both looked surprised but Victor quickly changed to happy. He had been harping on Yuri about speaking to Beka nearly non-stop and clearly thought Yuri was going to tell him the truth. Before Victor could say anything obnoxious Yakov spoke up.

 

"Are you saying over?" He asked, noticing Yuri's bag.

 

"Probably." There was always the chance Beka wouldn't want to talk to him.

 

"Take some with you." Yakov gestured to the bowl of pirozhkis on the table.

 

Yuri walked over and grabbed some, wrapping them gently in a paper bag. It wasn't a bad idea. Maybe they would soften Otabek up.

 

"Have fun," Yakov said. "Call me when you get there."

 

Yuri nodded. "Okay. Thanks." He knew a huge part of the reason Yakov was letting him randomly decide to sleep over at Beka's house after barely leaving his room for two days was because everyone was going out of their way to "accommodate" him and because it was summer. But he'd take what he could get.

 

"Have fun!" Victor called to his retreating back.

 

Once outside Yuri grabbed his bike and hopped on. As he began pedaling he realized another reason Yakov was letting him go was that he didn't know Yuri hadn't bothered to tell Beka he was coming or even find out if he was home.

\---

 

Beka wasn't home, and Yuri should have expected that. It was a nice summer evening that was perfect for riding, and he also knew Otabek went riding when he needed to clear his head.

 

It was fine, though. His parents were still at work, always coming home at around eight or later, so Yuri settled himself down on Beka's porch and waited. He wasn't going to bother Beka while he was riding. Yuri had spent a week ignoring him, the least he could do is wait a few hours.

 

He didn't have to wait long because the second Yuri got one of the pirozhkis unwrapped and was about to take a bite Otabek's bike turned onto the street. He put his food back in the bag and scrambled to a standing position. He watched as Beka rode into the driveway and took his helmet off. Yuri held his breath while Otabek stared at him, waiting for him to ask Yuri what he was doing here or worse, tell him to leave.

 

Beka didn't say anything though. He watched Yuri for a minute and then proceeded to put his bike in the garage. Yuri's own regular, two wheels two pedals bike was chained to the Altin's porch.

 

Yuri waited for Beka to come back, stepping back and forth and squeezing the bag of pirozhkis repeatedly. It was probably only a couple of minutes that felt like forever when his friend finally came back around and joined him on the porch.

 

Beka didn't make any move to open the door or go inside, he just stood there watching Yuri in silence. Definitely the angry kind of silence. Beka was quiet most of the time but they were different types of quiet and this was 100% the "I'm fucking pissed at you" kind of quiet.

 

Yuri ducked his head and held out the paper bag. "I brought pirozhkis." He heard Beka snort and peaked up at him through his hair to find a raised eyebrow and a very unimpressed friend. Beka was going to make him work for it, fair enough.

 

Except, Yuri had no idea how he was going to apologize without telling him the truth. He really should think things through more often.

 

"I know I shouldn't have kept ignoring you but," Yuri bit his lip to take a minute and figure out what he would say. "Something...big happened. And it was crazy and overwhelming and I can't tell you what it was but I wasn't up to talking." Beka was still silent so Yuri kept going. "But I'm still really sorry. I wanted to talk to you sooner but then I didn't know how to explain myself without telling you and I can't tell you so I would just stare at my phone not fucking doing anything and the longer I waited the weirder it got and I threw my phone against the wall a lot, look!" He yanked his phone out of his pocket and thrust it in Otabek's face, finger pointing to the long crack at the top that really was from throwing it too many times. He saw the corner of Beka's lips upturn the smallest amount and he knew he was making some headway. He held the bag of pirozhkis out again.

 

"Come on. I brought apology pirozhkis. You can have them all, I won't even have a bite."

 

That earned him a full smile and Yuri's heart clenched in relief.

 

"As if you could have pirozhkis in front of you and not eat any," Beka said while slipping past him and finally opening the door. It wasn't until Yuri picked up his backpack and followed him inside Beka noticed it. "What is that for?"

 

Yuri twisted the strap on his shoulder nervously. "I was hoping we could have a sleepover?" He pasted on his best innocent smile, but his heart dropped when he saw Beka's smirk disappear.

 

"Are you serious?"

 

Yuri could understand the reaction. He had ignored his friend for a week and then turned up at his house unannounced asking to stay over. Just because Otabek was willing to forgive him doesn't mean he would do it right away. Yuri couldn't tell him everything but he could at least be partially honest.

 

"I've had a hell of a week, Beka," he confessed. He hated how pleading his voice sounded but it was the truth and he didn't know how he could handle Otabek rejecting him on top of everything. "Everything's been crazy and I can't tell you what happened but...I missed you."

 

The disappointed look Beka had been sporting slid away in the face of Yuri's sincerity. Now he just looked worried. "Are you okay? Is your family okay?"

 

Yuri nodded, not wanting to play with his friend's emotions any more than he already had. "Everyone is okay. It wasn't...it wasn't anything bad. But it was major. And it's...changed a lot of things. And I just need to be somewhere quiet."

 

Otabek sighed heavily and closed his eyes. Time seemed suspended while Yuri waited for him to say something. He opened his eyes again, looking resigned.

 

"You can stay, but I'm still mad at you."

 

"I get that!" Yuri insisted as he followed Beka into the house. He wanted to hug the other boy. He wouldn't have held it against Otabek at all if he decided to freeze Yuri out but he was just too good for it and Yuri would be forever grateful. "I will make it up to you I swear! I will pay for ice cream and let you pick the movie for the rest of the summer!"

 

"The rest of the year," Beka said as they walked up to his room.

 

Yuri almost protested, but when he thought about what he stood to lose it seemed like a small price to pay. "Deal."

 

They reached the landing and he couldn't help contemplating how many times he had walked these stairs, been in this hallway, laid in Beka's bed listening to music. That was all he wanted every time something had been too overwhelming the past week and to remember that he could have it again made him stop Otabek in his tracks and wrap his arms around him.

 

Beka let out a small "oof" before his hands rested tentatively on Yuri's back in return.

 

"Sorry. It really has been a crazy week. And I missed you," Yuri confessed.

 

"I missed you too."

 

They stayed there, Yuri's face buried in Beka's chest, the smell of his leather jacket so gloriously familiar. So much of Yuri's life was going to change and he wished this could stay the same forever.

\---

Yuri had been totally convinced hiding being trans from Otabek would be harder and more awkward. But besides how Yuri couldn't tell Beka why he was ignoring him it didn't make a difference, not with just the two of them.

 

Otabek only ever called him by his name, or "you" so pronouns weren't an issue, and it's not like Beka was in any way constantly drawing attention to him being a "girl." Yuri looked the same for now anyway so there was nothing else to navigate in that respect either. They were able to hang out and spend time together like normal.

 

But right now Yuri was finally taking the plunge and picking out a binder and he knew he wouldn't look the same forever. The time frame he could realistically avoid telling Otabek the truth was dwindling rapidly but he was planning on putting it off for as long as possible. 

 

In the meantime, he was going to focus on buying a binder. He had an email full of suggestions from the other Yuuri he was slowly picking his way through. After going through all the options he decided he would start with one of the sports bra type binders. He already used sports bras so it hopefully wouldn't be too different or too hot. Also, not too expensive. Yuri was amazed by how drastic the price difference could be between binders, but the other Yuuri's email included a brief explanation of that as well and he didn't have to worry about the money really. Victor told him the first binder would be on him as a present. 

 

Still, Yuri didn't want to pick an expensive one right away when he wasn't sure what he would like and what size he needed so he went with a more affordable sports bra type binder in nude. He could wear it under almost any shirt so it was the practical color, but there was a black binder with gray cat faces on another site that had caught his eye and he couldn't stop thinking about. Yuri looked at Victor's credit card resting on his desk and back at the computer screen. He shrugged and added the cat binder to his cart. Victor did say to treat himself.

 

After he filled out all the information and made his purchases Yuri got up and went to his closet, already excited to plan which outfit he'd wear with his binder first. He opened the door and ran his hands along the hanging fabrics, seeing if anything was calling to him. His hand landed on a hot pink hem and he pulled the rest of the shirt out to look at it. It was one of his sweaters, a gray color block one that changed to black on the bottom and had pink on the ends of the sleeves. He liked that sweater, it was a soft material and was baggy and kind of long so he had options for how he wanted to tuck it. But looking at it now Yuri was reminded of how he felt about his cat shirt the other day. He was a guy now, and even more important he was trying to convince other people he was a guy. He figured a sweater like this wasn't really doing him any favors. 

 

He put the shirt back and started going through the rest of his clothing, finding several shirts that looked way too girly in retrospect. Sure, when people thought he was a girl they considered him a tomboy, but no one considered him a man. He couldn't pull these clothes off when trying to be a real guy. 

 

Yuri walked over to his bureau and started going through his draws. _Shit_ he thought. His shirts were the least of his problems. He had so many patterned skinny jeans and statement belts that he had never seen normal guys wear, and he couldn't even begin to think about his shoe collection. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. A part of him wished he never thought about this because now he would have to go through all his clothes and figure out what was too girly and what he was going to do with it. He went back to his closet and started pulling out any shirts he thought qualified and threw them on his bed. A few pieces missed the bed and landed on the floor and Yuri had to stamp down the urge to pick them up. What did it matter? He was going to have to give them away anyway so he couldn't be so attached. 

 

He was at it for about twenty minutes, partly because he had _a lot_ of clothes, and also because he spent so much time agonizing over shirts he knew were too girly but he really loved anyway. It didn't take long for him to start a small pile of t-shirts he still planned on sleeping in even if he couldn't wear them in public.

 

He was pulled from his contemplation over how girly glitter really was by a knock. "Come in."

 

The other Yuuri's head popped around the open door. "Hey!" He greeted with an excited smile. "Victor got a text alert on his phone about his credit card charge and I figured you bought a binder. Can I see?" He finally caught sight of the pile of clothes occupying the bed and frowned. "What are you doing?"

 

Yuri looked back down at the latest shirt he was considering, fingering the hem with a frown. "I can't wear any of these clothes anymore."

 

"What? Why? They don't look like they don't fit" The other Yuuri shut the door and walked over to the bed, picking up a baby pink v neck with a frown. "What's wrong with them?"

 

"They're not guy clothes," Yuri muttered, head firmly hidden in his closet. He knew this was a necessary process but he didn't want to talk about it 'cause it fucking sucked. Yuri loved his clothes more than most people loved their pets and having to part with perfectly good items of clothing went against everything he believed in.

 

"What?" Yuri felt a hand on his shoulder and he was pulled around and led toward the bed. The other Yuuri moved some clothes over and sat them both down. "Talk to me. Why are you trying to get rid of all your clothes?"

 

"I'm not trying to get rid of ALL of them," he snapped. "Just the girly ones."

 

Yuuri picked up a dark blue velvet hoodie and held it up to his chest. "You were wearing this the other day and almost killed Victor because he got pasta sauce on it. This isn't even girly, what are you talking about." 

 

"Would you wear it?" Yuri challenged.

 

The other Yuuri shrugged. "If it was my style, sure."

 

He narrowed his eyes on suspicion. "So you're saying my style is girly?"

 

Yuuri sighed and tossed the hoodie down in frustration. He put his hands on Yuri's shoulders and looked at him intensely. "Yuri, listen. If you want to change your wardrobe I definitely understand that and that's awesome. But, I've seen how you are with your clothes and honestly you don't look happy about this. If you want this so badly why do you look upset?"

 

He looked away, heart picking up in his chest. Why was the other Yuuri making this harder than it needed to be? Shouldn't he of all people get why those clothes need to go?

 

"I don't get you. Didn't you change your clothes when you came out?" 

 

"Of course I did, but I didn't care about my clothes in the first place. I only ever wore baggy shirts and hoodies and jeans because I was always trying to hide." Yuuri smiled and poked his chest with a grin. "I wasn't as cool as you." "And I didn't change it right away. It took a long time for me to figure out how I wanted to dress. Seriously, there's no reason for you to get rid of clothes you like."

 

"Sure there is," he said softly. "No one is gonna believe me in these clothes."

 

"People aren't going to believe you anyway."

 

Yuri leaned back in surprise at the others harsh words and the comment hurt a lot more than he expected. The other Yuuri held a hand up and continued. 

 

"I know that sounds harsh, but I don't want to sugar coat this for you. Regardless of how many hormones you take or how many surgeries you have there are still going to be people out there who think you don't count." Yuuri put a hand on his shoulder and bent over to try to catch his eyes that were looking away. "Listen to me," he continued once they made eye contact. Yuri had never seen him look so intense about anything. "You cannot live your life trying to prove yourself to those people. If you do that you are only going to make yourself miserable. You have to do what makes _you_ happy." He pointed to the pile of clothes. "If these clothes make you happy then wear them! You're not any less or more of a man either way. Hell, wear dresses if that makes you happy. Wear garbage bags, I don't care. But you shouldn't wear or do anything because of what other people believe about you."

 

Yuri opened his mouth to speak but was cut off. 

 

"Which is hard, I know. Sometimes it feels impossible but you have to try. And I promise you more days than not you'll be better for it."

 

The intensity of the speech and gaze was getting to him and Yuri felt the smirk forming on his face before he could help it. "Don't wear what anyone else wants me to wear, unless it's you, right?" He smiled when the other Yuuri laughed and sat back. 

 

"You're such an ass sometimes," he said and Yuri barked out a laugh at his bluntness. As they spent more time together the other Yuuri revealed a more snarky side he really appreciated. 

 

"Look," the other man continued. "I can't tell you what to wear, and you don't have to wear anything you don't want to. But...I've seen the way you are about your clothes. Don't get rid of them right away, okay? You don't have to wear them but hang onto them for like...a month. Then revisit them and see how you feel. Does that sound okay?"

 

Yuri nodded. He wasn't convinced he could claim to be a guy and keep wearing those clothes but it made sense to not get rid of them yet. 

 

"Great! Sooo," Yuuri wiggled his eyebrows, playful expression breaking the tension, "which binders did you get? Tell me!"

 

"I got a cool cat one," Yuri told him, standing up and pulling up the page on his computer.

\---

"Try it again."

 

"Why are you making me do this?"

 

"You ignored me for a week, remember?"

 

Yuri grumbled curses about Otabek under his breath but didn't say anything further. Instead of only cashing in Yuri's offer to let him pick their movies for the foreseeable future, Beka decided he wanted to make it up to him by teaching Yuri how to ride his bike again. 

 

So that's how he ended up in the position he's in now, Beka behind him giving him instructions while Yuri jerked his way through the Altin's driveway. He remembered now why he had quit so quickly the first time he tried to learn how to ride. There were too many controls, too many movements to focus on, especially when his focus was scattered by the warm, present weight of Beka behind him. Yuri was used to the reverse, his friend in front and him behind, holding on to Beka's waist as they sped through the streets, feeling safe with the other in control. Slipping onto the bike behind Otabek was familiar, but this sensation was foreign. Yuri almost felt exposed being in front, having to face all the sensations of the air and sun and confusing bike controls head on. Even though he knew Beka would never let anything happen to him his friend's presence wasn't comforting like it usually was, but horribly distracting.

 

Yuri didn't know how Otabek managed to ride like this all the time. He was so aware of the other boy, his legs pressed against his, his arms around Yuri's waist while he helped him control the bike, and the whole solid mass of Beka's chest and stomach pressed against his back. Yuri had to assume it didn't feel like this for him or else they would crash every time they went for a ride.

 

"Yuri!" Beka's leg and hand reacted quickly and they jolted to a stop. "Are you even paying attention?"

 

The answer was obvious so Yuri didn't bother supplying it, instead staring at the trash can he almost crashed into in surprise. He felt the heat rising up his face and cringed. He was so distracted by his friend he almost crashed the bike because he couldn't focus properly.

 

"Maybe we should take a break," Otabek said with a laugh.

 

"Thank god," Yuri mumbled. He lifted his leg to swing it over but was stopped by Beka's hand on his thigh. 

 

"Not so fast," he said. "I'm still going to make you get the bike into the garage."

 

Yuri groaned and rolled his eyes. Beka was enjoying torturing him too much. 

 

"Fine," he grumbled again. Sure he still didn't like riding and he was acting like he wasn't having a good time, but the truth was he was grateful to be spending time with his best friend again. They could spend every day trying to teach Yuri how to ride as long as they were hanging out together. "If I destroy your bike it's your fault."

 

Otabek chuckled but otherwise ignored the comment. Yuri waited a moment for Beka to remove his hand from his thigh but instead, the other boy just spoke. 

 

"Don't tell me you're chickening out now," he said, as if the reason for Yuri's hesitation wasn't obvious to him. He knew if he told Beka to move his hand he would, but that wasn't what he wanted so he didn't say anything. Instead he started the slow ride into the Altin's garage, Beka giving him full control now with only his voice and the hand on Yuri's thigh to guide him.

 

And boy if Yuri thought he was distracted before it was nothing compared to now. Every time he shifted his leg on the bike Beka's hand shifted along with it. Yuri could swear there must be red streaks on his skin from where Beka's palm was sliding back and forth. Even through his jeans that palm felt like a brand. 

 

The short ride to the driveway felt like an eternity but finally, Yuri had made it in and slowed the bike to a stop. 

 

"Good job." Otabek squeezed his thigh in congratulations and Yuri felt the air stop in his throat. 

 

Having him so close was making Yuri's pulse race and prickles of sweat appear on his skin. He couldn't move off the bike until Beka got up and for a wild second, he considered this was part of his penance. Beka was going to keep him here, heart picking up more and more and skin getting redder and redder until he did something embarrassing. 

 

But then Otabek moved and Yuri was free to jump off and remove his helmet. He immediately rubbed his hands through his hair to try and shake it out. The helmet hair was the one thing he hated about riding.

 

"I survived!" Yuri shouted and threw his hands up in the air. What he didn't say was he meant he survived riding and also having the other man wrapped around him. 

 

Otabek quirked a small smile at his antics and took Yuri's helmet from him, turning to put them both away. "Cute," he murmured as he turned to put them both away. 

 

Yuri froze. Sure, Otabek had complimented his outfit or hair before and of course, he had noticed when his friend's eyes lingered a little too long. And the way sometimes, when they were both lying on Beka's bed listening to music they would both look at each other at the same time, and there'd be a second when the space between their faces would seem minuscule and they would both glance at each other's lips before looking away, both their faces crimson. Yuri had noticed all those things, but neither of them has acted on any of it. But Beka calling him cute? That was flirting, right?

 

Yuri's question was answered when instead of heading inside Beka came over to him and grabbed his hand lightly. 

 

"Thank you for riding with me," he said, face serious. 

 

There was the brush of Beka's thumb across the back of his hand and Yuri didn't know what the hell was going on. "Thanks for teaching me," he choked out. 

 

Otabek stepped closer and his smell of cologne and leather made Yuri's nostrils flare and his hand tighten in the other boy's. 

 

"Is this okay?" Beka whispered. 

 

Shit he was close. When did he get so close? Yuri licked his lips and managed a nod, shivering when he saw Beka's eyes follow the movement of his tongue. The other boy's hand settled on the back of his neck and Yuri closed his eyes when he saw Beka lean forward and felt his own body lift up in response. Their lips met and the hand not holding Beka's buried itself in his jacket, using the forgiving leather to tether himself. 

 

Yuri was swept up in the sensations. Beka's rough hand in his own, the smooth feel of his jacket, and most importantly the slick slide of their lips pressing together. It was tentative and a little awkward but he hadn't felt anything so amazing. They deepened the kiss and Yuri let out an embarrassingly loud moan. Both boys laughed in response and then kept laughing, forcing them to break apart. Beka's hands landed on his waist and Yuri settled his own on his shoulders. 

 

"Beka", he said with a giggle, burying his face in his friend's chest. "What the hell?"

 

Otabek laughed as well and tightened his hold, squeezing Yuri close. 

 

"Where did that come from?" He asked again, unable to get over the shock. 

 

Beka pulled back and looked down at him, smile nearly the size of a normal person. "I've been wanting to do that for awhile," he admitted. 

 

Yuri flushed and looked down. He couldn't fucking believe this was actually happening. They had been dancing around this for so long. 

 

Beka continued speaking. "When you stopped speaking to me I...I thought...Yuri?"

 

There was no doubt in Yuri's mind that Otabek could feel how completely rigid he'd gone. His pulse was hammering again but this time from nerves. All the sensations from earlier that had been hot and desribale now made him feel sick. Beka kissed him, but hadn't kissed HIM. he thought Yuri was a girl, he still didn't know and Yuri had let him do this anyway and now he thought he was going to puke. 

 

"Shit!" He said, stumbling away from Otabek. He nearly tripled over something behind him and Beka tried to steady him but he pulled away again. "I can't do this." 

 

"What? Yuri wait lets just-"

 

"No I can't," he repeated frantically. He rubbed his hands in his hair again, this time in frustration. "Shit, I have to go." 

 

He hated the look Beka was giving him. The look of fear and concern. He didn't want to be the cause of that but he knew he needed to leave and get his head together. 

 

"Yuri wait!" Otabek pleaded with him as he ran out of the garage to get his bike. 

 

"I'm sorry," he said, and he meant it. He never wanted this to get so messy. "I'll call you later." Beka still looked so worried, and worst of all guilty and Yuri needed to at least try and make it better. "I PROMISE. I will call you later." 

 

Otabek wavered, but then nodded, his expression one of resignation. Yuri wished he could say more, make things better, but instead, he unlocked his bike and sped home. 

 

\---

 

Yuri arrived home and spent the next few hours pacing throughout the house. Yakov was at work and Victor and Katsudon (which he had started calling the other Yuuri recently when they finally found a nickname they were both happy with) were out so he really did have the whole house to himself to pace through. When he was making another pass up the staircase he heard voices outside the front door and the sound of the lock turning and ran the rest of his way to his room. He knew if Victor saw him now he could tell something was wrong and he didn't want to talk to Victor about this. Victor _loved_ Otabek and would probably be mad at Yuri for not telling him the truth, but he didn't understand. He heard the two of them talking and laughing downstairs and pulled out his phone. Yuri felt a little bad about ruining Katsudon's good time but he didn't have anyone else to talk to so he pulled up his messages and sent a text. 

 

**Can you come to my room?**

**DONT bring Victor**

 

Katsudon didn't answer him back but he heard him speaking downstairs. 

 

"God those enchiladas are getting to me," Katsudon said loudly. "I'm gonna go use the bathroom."

 

Yuri couldn't hear Victor's response but he did hear the sound of feet running up the stairs and opened his door a crack, waiting. 

 

"Hey," Katsudon said with a knock even though he could see Yuri waiting for him. "What's going on?" He shut the door behind him. 

 

"I fucked up," Yuri answered. Might as well start with the truth. 

 

"How? Are you okay? Come here." Katsudon put a hand on his shoulder and led him over to the bed. 

 

"Beka kissed me," he whispered. Katsudon's eyes went so wide Yuri would have laughed if he wasn't so miserable. 

 

"Okay...that's good? No? I know Victor teases you a lot about liking each other but I don't really know him so I'm not sure." 

 

"I do like him but..." Yuri looked down at his red bedspread and picked at a loose thread. He didn't want to admit this, he felt so ashamed, so cowardly. "I haven't told him," he admitted even softer. 

 

"Ah," Katsudon replied. He ran a soothing hand down Yuri's back. "All this time you've been hanging out with him you were still pretending to be a girl?" 

 

"I know I'm a fucking coward-"

 

"No! No Yuri. You're not a coward." The hand that was rubbing up and down his back went around his shoulder. "Look at me." Yuri looked up slowly, still worried Katsudon would be disappointed in him. "It's a very scary thing, coming out to people. You're going to tell people in your own time or sometimes you won't want to bother telling someone at all, and that's fine. There's no rule for any of this, it's whatever you feel comfortable with."

 

Yuri looked down, not convinced. "But I...I let him kiss me without knowing the truth. I...I tricked him. He's going to hate me." 

 

"Stop that," Katsudon said harshly. "You didn't do anything wrong or deceitful. There's no requirement for you to bare everything before you even kiss someone. And I don't know if he'll hate you but-" 

 

They both jumped at Victor's voice booming up the stairs. "Yuuri? Are you okay? Did you get stuck?"

 

He snorted and shook his head, a fond smile on his face. "One sec," he said to Yuri before getting up and walking over to the door. He opened slightly and yelled out "I'm fine! Give me like five more minutes!"

 

They both heard Victor laugh and call out "I told you not to eat a third serving!" 

 

Katsudon ignored him and closed the door again. "As I was saying," he said chuckling. "I don't know Otabek so I don't know how he will feel. Victor seems convinced he won't care though and says he is a very very good friend." He sat on the bed again. "What do you think?" 

 

Yuri shrugged. "Beka's a great friend but...I'm a freak to plenty of people," he said harshly. 

 

"You're NOT a freak," Katsudon scolded. He didn't respond and Katsudon sighed but let it go. "One issue at a time then. Are you afraid Otabek might do something? If you are I'll go with you when you tell him. Or wait outside or something."

 

Yuri shook his head. "No I don't think...I don't think he'd hurt me but," he sighed. "I don't know. What if he wants nothing to do with me?" 

 

"Then you would deal with that when it happens. But you won't know for sure until after you tell him. You just have to decide when you want to do that."

 

"Well I don't have a choice now," Yuri mumbled. "I kind of freaked out and basically ran off after he kissed me. I have to tell him something." 

 

The other Yuuri shrugged. "Tell him you're worried about ruining your friendship and want to take things slow."

 

Yuri looked at the other man suspiciously. He was surprised at how he wasn't pushing him to tell Beka the truth. "You're really encouraging me to lie?" 

 

Katsudon screwed his face up in a frown. "It's not a _lie_. You are worried about ruining your friendship and want to take things slow."

 

"You know what I mean." 

 

He rolled his eyes. "You'll have to tell him eventually, but there isn't any reason you have to tell him right now. You just came to grips with being trans like three weeks ago Yuri. These things take time. And you _deserve_ to take time to figure things out. If he's as good of a friend as Victor thinks he is Otabek will understand that. Speaking of your brother, I should probably go back downstairs before he comes to check on me." He got up and waved his phone. "Text me if you need anything."

 

Yuri nodded and waited for Katsudon to close the door behind him before flopping on his bed and screaming his frustration into the pillow. He hated this. He had wanted to kiss Otabek for so long and he finally got to and then had to go fuck it up with all of this nonsense. Why couldn't anything in his life just be simple? Why couldn't his body just make sense?

 

He pressed his palms against his eyes and pushed until he was seeing stars, trying to take deep breaths. He thought about what the other Yuuri said earlier. One issue at a time. Right now his issue was whether or not to tell Beka the truth and even though it was terrifying, Yuri knew what he wanted. Beka was his best friend and he hated the thought of continuing to lie to him. And he didn't want to stay the same forever, he was going to start transitioning and it was either shut Beka out of that process or tell him what was going on. 

 

Still, Yuri was scared so he wasn't going to do it in person. It had been a couple of hours since he left Beka's house so now was as good a time as any to keep his promise and call. 

 

He valiantly ignored the trembling in his hand while he pressed the call icon next to Beka's name. He had to do this. He couldn't keep leaving his friend hanging. It took longer than he expected for his friend to answer and for a second Yuri was worried his call would be ignored and he didn't know if he would be able to summon the nerve again. Before he could be too disappointed Otabek finally answered. 

 

"Hi."

 

"See? I did call this time!" Yuri said, hoping to break some of the tension. His comment got a laugh out of his friend and Yuri smiled. All he wanted was their normal friendship, but he knew things were about to get a lot weirder before they got normal. 

 

"I'm sorry," Beka said softly. "I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries."

 

"You didn't!" Yuri reassured quickly. "I...I liked it," he admitted. 

 

"Really?" 

 

Of course, Beka sounded surprised. Normal people didn't show they enjoyed a kiss by freaking out and running away. 

 

"Yeah," he confessed. He opened his mouth to say more but the words caught in his throat and he sucked in a breath to make room, "But I need to tell you something."

 

"Are you okay?" Otabek asked, continuing the rest of what he wanted to say in a rush of words unnatural for him. "You've been acting so weird lately and every time I ask you say you're okay but you don't seem okay, you seem upset."

 

"I am okay...sort of. I..." God, his heart was ready to speed out of his chest and his hands were so sweaty. 'It was just Otabek' he tried to tell himself. Except Beka could never be just anything to him and if he rejected Yuri over this he didn't know what he would do. He shook his head, trying to clear the panicked thoughts. One issue at a time. "I...the other day I came out. To my brother," he finally managed to choke out. It wasn't everything he had to say but it was a start.

 

"Oh," Otabek said, clearly shocked. "You came out? Are you, well I'm assuming you're not gay because you said you liked the kiss but, um, are you bisexual or something?"

 

Yuri couldn't help his laugh, partly due to nervousness and also Beka's rambling. "I don't know, I might be gay," he said. He was a guy who liked guys, or at least the one guy, it wasn't impossible. Great now he had something else to worry about. 

 

Beka was quiet and Yuri knew he must be so confused. "Is that why you were freaked out?" he eventually asked. "You don't have to be so nervous, Yuri. If you need time to figure that out I understand, and if you can't like me that way-"

 

Yuri laughed again, cutting Beka off. He must have sounded so deranged but he couldn't help himself. "No, no." He said. "I might be gay because I...I might be a guy. I am a guy," he corrected. He was overwhelmed and terrified of the future and his friendship, but one thing he wasn't was unsure. At the very least he knew he was definitely a guy.

 

There was more silence, and this time it stretched and stretched. Yuri waited, hoping Beka would say something, anything. He just needed to know the reaction. "Beka?" he asked meekly when the silence became unbearable. "Did you hear me? I said-"

 

"I heard you," his friend said. "I was thinking. Um, so, you think you're a man?" Beka asked.

 

Yuri shook his head even though the other boy couldn't see him. "No, I know I am. I came out to Victor and Yuuri, sort of, a couple of weeks ago. And that's why I wasn't talking to you and that's why I couldn't tell you why I was ignoring you when I apologized. And I didn't know you were going to kiss me, I swear. I'm sorry you did that before I could tell you, I never meant for that to happen."

 

"I'm not mad," Beka said softly, and that relieved a tension in Yuri's body he hadn't even noticed. "Of course I'm not mad about this. Thank you for telling me, I'm so grateful you told me. And I'm glad you weren't ignoring me because you were sick of me."

 

"I'm so sorry about that," Yuri said for the umpteenth time.

 

"I know, I know Yuri. You don't have to keep apologizing." Otabek let out a little chuckle. "A lot of things make a lot more sense now."

 

Yuri laughed as well and basked in the sound. Sure he had loved spending time with Otabek again during the past couple of weeks, but there was always this secret between them. Now everything was out there, and Otabek knew him like no one else did once again.

 

"I understand why you didn't tell me right away," he continued. "But I hope you won't be afraid to tell me something like this again. You'll always be my friend, Yuri. Nothing can change that."

 

Yuri felt his stomach turn and swallowed. Of course, Beka just wanted to be friends. Just because he didn't hate Yuri didn't mean he would want to date him now. 

 

"Right," Yuri said, voice thin. "Friends."

 

"Best friends," Beka corrected jokingly and the feeling of sadness in Yuri warred with one of warmth. 

 

"I have a lot to catch you up on," Yuri told him. "Are you busy?" Being able to rant and rave about everything that was happening to him was one of the things Yuri missed the most about their friendship. 

 

"Of course not. Go ahead." 

 

Yuri went. He told Otabek everything that happened over the past few weeks and it felt so good to let everything out to his friend he almost forgot about the sting of rejection. 

 

\---

 

Yuri toed his wet shoes off by the door and shook out his hair. On his way back from Beka's a summer storm took him by surprise and even though he pedaled as fast as he could he still got soaked from head to toe. Once his sneakers and socks were off he was about to make his way to his room when Yakov's voice rang out from the kitchen. 

 

"Yuri? Is that you?" 

 

"Yeah," he answered and made his way into the other room. Yakov snorted when he saw how wet he was. 

 

"No umbrella?" 

 

He shook his head and heard the patter of water drops landing on the floor around him. "No. And I was on my bike anyway." 

 

His uncle chuckled a little and waved him off. "I want to talk to you, but go dry off first." 

 

"Okay uncle yakov." Yuri turned and ran up to his room. 

 

Once he dried off and changed he went back downstairs to find Yakov still at the kitchen table, drinking tea and reading a book. When Yuri entered the room he closed the book and looked up. 

 

Yuri sat in the chair across from him and fiddled with the end of the tablecloth nervously. 

 

"You've been avoiding me," Yakov said, getting straight to the point. 

 

"I-I haven't," Yuri tried to defend. Except even he knew that wasn't totally true. He hadn't been avoiding Yakov on purpose, he did have a lot going on. But he had also taken a lot more dinners up to his room or eaten at the Altin's. 

 

Yakov kept silent and gave him his signature frown, the look that could even get Victor spilling the truth as a kid. 

 

Yuri looked away. "A little bit," he admitted quietly. 

 

"Why Yuratchka? Did I say anything to make you uncomfortable?" 

 

He shook his head quickly. "No! You haven't done anything." If anyone had made things uncomfortable it was Yuri himself. He was the one who had to go and tell Yakov that the niece he'd raised from 4 years old was actually his nephew. 

 

"Are you sure? This is all new to me but I want you to feel supported. You can come to me for anything you might need." 

 

Yakov had told him that already, after Yuri first came out to him. Yuri had been terrified, but Victor stayed with him the whole time and assured him that if anything did go wrong Victor would be there for him the whole time. Yakov had been shocked, obviously. He definitely didn't expect that news when Yuri and Victor had sat him down to tell him. He probably assumed Yuri was in some kind of trouble. But once he got over the surprise and asked Yuri questions about how he was feeling he nodded resolutely and said "okay." Yakov told Yuri he just wanted him to be happy and if that's what he needed to do it then that's what they would do. Even with those words of support Yuri felt uncomfortable around Yakov now. He knew the whole concept of being transgender was not something Yakov was familiar with and Yuri was riddled with anxiety about how their interactions would be from now on. If Yakov would act differently around him or ask Yuri questions about his body and future plans he wasn't ready to answer. Yuri believed Yakov when he said he wanted to help Yuri with anything he needed, but the problem was he didn't know what he needed yet. 

 

"I know," Yuri finally answered, and immediately couldn't find anything else to say.

Yakov sighed and leaned forward, expression serious. 

 

"Yuratchka," he began, voice uncharacteristically tender, "I know you're a teenager and don't want to share everything with me, but I don't want this to come between us. You don't have to keep anything from me because you're concerned about making me uncomfortable. That's not your priority." 

 

Yuri stayed silent but nodded. He could count the times he and Yakov had a heart to heart on three fingers, and that was including this instance. 

 

"Victor told me he bought you a binder."

 

Yuri's face flamed. Hearing his uncle say the word binder and mean in the sense of "thing used to flatten out your breasts" was _so weird_. 

 

"You could have asked me for one," Yakov continued, ignoring Yuri's obvious embarrassment. 

 

God, he couldn't believe he had to have this conversation. He hadn't even needed Yakov to take him bra shopping when he first started going through puberty. Yuri was perfectly capable of using the Internet to navigate the complicated world of undergarments. He didn't need Yakov's help now. 

 

"I...thanks," he stammered out. "But it's okay for now. I didn't really go to Victor for any reason. I was talking to Katsudon about it and Victor offered to pay. If I um...need any others I'll let you know," he said. He knew Yakov was only trying to be helpful and even though this conversation was embarrassing it was a good thing. Also if Yuri wanted to start hormones and all of that he was going to need Yakov's help so he probably had to get used to these conversations. 

 

"I'm here, Yura," Yakov told him. 

 

Yuri nodded in understanding. "Thanks. Really," he said. 

 

Yakov reached out and rested his hand on Yuri's own for a second before getting up and stretching. 

 

"Time to make dinner. I'm thinking about making lasagna. If you help me I won't let Victor eat all the garlic bread again." 

 

Yuri smiled and shrugged, walking over the sink to wash his hands. He wasn't sure exactly when the last time he helped Yakov make dinner was but he knew it was too long.

 

\--- 

 

When Yuri woke up the next morning he realized that all of the excitement he endured the past few weeks made him forget something really important. And now the evidence of his forgetfulness had soaked through his sleep boxers and stained his bed sheet. He was having his period. 

 

Yuri cringed at the gross feeling as he got out of bed and ran across the hall to the bathroom, opening the cabinet where he kept his tampons. Except when he opened the cabinet he didn't see any. He pushed some things out of the way, hoping the box was moved but then the horrile memory of throwing away the empty box last month flashed through his head.

 

Luckily for him, being the only "girl" in the house who had a period hadn't meant Yakov and Victor acted all weird about it. He never felt like he had to pretend it wasn't happening, but that was before. Before Yuri went and claimed to be a guy. Now he felt ridiculous. He knew last month he finished all his tampons and had made a mental note to buy more, but it fell low on his priority list after everything else that happened. And now he was screwed because he didn't have _anything_ and was in a house full of real men who didn't have this happen to them and he couldn't dress right and his body wasn't right. Yuri felt like a fake. If he were really a guy he wouldn't be getting his period and then forgetting all about it and there would be someone else in the house like him-

 

Yuri heard noises down the hall and his head snapped up from where it was resting on the wall behind him. A small flutter of hope started pushing out some of the anxiety in his chest. He couldn't believe he almost forgot. Katsudon was here. He and Victor were going to some kind of food festival that was closer to the house than to his hotel so they stayed over last night, which meant there was someone else in the house like him. 

 

He cracked the bathroom door and saw Victor and Katsudon walking by. Thankfully, Victor was in front so Yuri waited for the right moment before whispering Katsudon's name. His oblivious brother kept making his way down the hall to the stairs, but Katsudon turned and looked at him, eyebrows drawn in surprise. Yuri could tell he was about to speak so he glared and put a finger to his lips, glancing at Victor. This was embarrassing enough without his brother being involved. 

 

Thankfully Yuuri got the message and he called out, "I'll be right down Victor. Bathroom!" Katsudon waited till Victor was all the way downstairs before coming over to the bathroom door. "Yuri? Are you okay?" He asked hurriedly. 

 

"I have-" Yuri was going to tell him what was going on, he'd never felt shy about talking about stuff like this before, but now the words were sticking in his throat and he had to gulp just so he could breathe again. He felt so ashamed. 

 

"Yuri?" Katsudon repeated, the worry in his eyes increasing tenfold. "What's the matter? Are you hurt?"

 

"Do you..." Another swallow, "do you have a tampon or pad or _something_? I completely forgot and I'm out." 

 

That was as close as he could get to the truth but it was enough, going by the way Katsudon's eyes went wide with understanding. He opened his mouth to say something but they both heard the noise of Yakov moving around in his room. 

 

"Can I come in?" Katsudon asked and Yuri nodded. It was embarrassing but it would be weird if Yakov came out and saw Katsudon standing outside the bathroom whispering. 

 

He came in and shut the door behind him. Yuri grabbed a towel to cover himself, hyper aware of the stain on the front of his pajamas. 

 

"I don't have anything," Katsudon told him gently. Yuri cursed his shitty timing. "I don't get mine anymore, cause of the T," Katsudon continued. 

 

That, more than anything that happened this morning, brought tears to Yuri's eyes and he couldn't stop them from falling. He felt unexplainably betrayed by Katsudon's admission. He was alone again, the only supposed guy in the house going through this.

 

"Oh Yuri," Katsudon stepped forward and pulled him into a hug. "Stop, stop. Everything will be fine. I'll run and buy you some supplies and be right back. What do you prefer? Pads? Tampons? Favorite brand?"

 

"T-tampons," Yuri managed to choke out, face hiding in Yuuri's shoulder in shame. He couldn't believe he was crying over this. He was sixteen, how many periods has he had in his life up until this point? Yuri always hated them of course. Who didn't hate their period? But he never reacted so poorly. He didn't even react this bad the first time it happened. Yuri knew why this time was different though. Before he still thought he was a girl, other people thought he was a girl, so it was normal then. Who the hell was going to believe him when his body was still the same?

 

"Favorite brand?" Katsudon asked him as he rubbed a hand soothingly up and down his back. Yuri was too trapped in his thoughts to answer and his only response was a hiccuping cry. "I don't care," he said once he got his breath back. "I just want...I want it to stop. I'm such a freak."

 

"You're not!" Katsudon pulled back and tried to look him in the eye but he had sixteen years of using his hair to avoid eye contact. That didn't stop Katusdon from talking though. "You're NOT a freak," he insisted. 

 

"Yes I am!" Yuri argued. He didn't need to be babied. "I'm the only weirdo in this house with a body that doesn't make any fucking sense!"

 

"That is NOT true!" The other Yuuri interrupted, hands gripping his shoulders tight. "You're like me Yura."

 

"No I'm not!" Yuri shot back. He thought he was but Katsudon made it perfectly clear he was wrong. 

 

"You are," Katsudon insisted, tears welling in his eyes too. He pulled Yuri into a hug again. "You are like me. You're just like me and your body is like mine and it's going to be okay Yuri. You're not alone."

 

\---

 

After Yuri calmed down Katsudon left to go buy tampons for him with instructions to take a shower and relax. He felt disgusting, but when he thought about getting naked in the shower and having to look at and touch his body Yuri's limbs felt heavy and like he was dizzy. Instead, he just took his pajama boxers off and crouched in the tub, using the water from the faucet and a washcloth to clean himself quickly and efficiently. Katsudon was already back by the time he was finished, bottom half wrapped in a towel with paper towel stuck between his legs, waiting. When Katsudon arrived he knocked on the door gently and Yuri told him to come in. The other man slipped inside and thrust the shopping bag at him proudly. 

 

"I got you two kinds since you didn't say which you wanted, and I also got you some pads just in case."

 

"I could have used anything." He felt bad that Katsudon spent all that money just because Yuri couldn't keep track of something that happened to him every month. 

 

"Don't worry about it," Katusdon assured him. "Are you okay? Do you need anything else?"

 

"What did Victor say?" Yuri gave up on thinking he could hide any of this from Victor once he realized Katsudon had to run out of the house to go to the store for him first thing in the morning. The only saving grace he had was Yakov had his own bathroom in his bedroom and had already left for work before Katsudon went to the store.

 

"He tried to ask what was going on, I told him to mind his business," he said frankly, making Yuri snort. 

 

"Seriously? How did that go over?" His brother was notoriously clueless and also notoriously nosey.

 

Katusdon shrugged. "He kept asking questions and I told him it was a Yuri thing, no Victor's allowed." 

 

Yuri managed a smile at that, his first one all morning, though it was no match for the blinding one Katsudon gave him in return. 

 

"I'll let you get changed. Don't worry about Yakov or Victor, they don't know anything and they're not going to ask. Let me know if you need anything else."

 

Yuri nodded. "Thanks," he said, even though it didn't feel like enough. 

 

" _Anytime_ Yuri. Really." Katsudon gave him one last look and then left the bathroom. 

 

\---

 

Even though they had a bit of a later start to their morning, Victor and Yuuri did make it to the food festival. Victor was excited, speaking rapidly and pointing out all of the weird foods he wanted to try. Yuuri was trying to be excited, smiling at all the right times and nodding his head when Victor started explaining a strange dish. But his heart wasn't in it. He was looking forward to the festival last night, and he still wanted to be there but the situation with Yuri this morning ruined his mood. Seeing Yuri hurting like that was horrible, and it brought back a lot of memories for him he didn't need to relive. Yuuri was drained, and a part of him just wanted to go back to his hotel and hide under the covers, but that wasn't fair to Victor. His boyfriend was so into being here and Yuuri didn't want to pull him away over a bad mood. He would have to stick it out. 

 

"Yuuri," Victor whined, waving his ramen burger. "Are you even listening to me?"

 

Yuuri wasn't listening, probably hadn't been listening to the whole time they were sitting at the tables eating. He gave Victor a guilty smile. "I wasn't, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

 

Victor dropped his food and wiped his hand on a napkin before reaching out and taking one of Yuuri's hands. "It's not important. Are you okay?" 

 

Yuuri squeezed his hand and nodded. "I'm fine. I just zoned out."

 

Victor frowned. "That was a rhetorical question, I know you're not fine. Do you want to talk about it?"

 

He shook his head. "There's nothing to talk about. I'm just...not in a great mood."

 

"Wow, I didn't know I was so awful to be around," Victor joked. Yuuri swatted his hand and smiled. 

 

"Not everything is about you, Vitya," he teased. 

 

Victor gasped and put the hand not holding Yuuri's on his chest. "What! It's not? That's preposterous!" He gave Yuuri a scandalized look.

 

Yuuri felt himself laugh despite the dark thoughts swarming his mind. "Someone had to break the news to you," he snarked back. 

 

Victor gave him that look. That overly fond, adoring look that made his insides twist and his breath stutter. His boyfriend stood suddenly and started gathering his half-eaten food to throw away. "Let's go."

 

"What?" Yuuri shouted, standing up and quickly gathering his things to keep up with Victor. "Go where?"

 

Victor had already reached the garbage can and he waited for Yuuri to throw his own stuff away before slinging an arm around him and pulling him close. "To your hotel," he said gently. 

 

Yuuri's eyes widened as he let Victor guide him along. "We don't have to leave," he said, glancing behind him at the bustling festival. 

 

"I'm not going to have fun anyway if you're not feeling good," Victor said. He pecked Yuuri's cheek. "Let me take care of you. We can go back to your room and snuggle. I could use a nap." He raised his arms and yawned dramatically. 

 

Yuuri felt his heart clench. Victor was oblivious to everything else in the world except when it came to what Yuuri needed. "If you're sure."

 

"Of course I'm sure," he said. "I love naps." 

 

\---

 

They did end up back at the hotel, and Yuuri felt less guilty about things since Victor didn't seem that disappointed about staying in (we're in grad school Yuuri, when do we ever have time for _naps_?) They both changed into more comfortable clothes and lounged on Yuuri's hotel bed. Just the act of putting his pajama pants on made him think about that morning, Yuri upset over having his period and asking for help. He remembered the betrayed look he received when he told Yuri he didn't get his period anymore. It was the truth, but Yuuri was wondering if he messed up and if he should have just said he didn't have anything. He knew exactly what Yuri was feeling, how frustrating it was, and he didn't mean to rub it the younger boy's face that he didn't have to experience that anymore. 

 

He was so lost in his thoughts he jerked when Victor rolled over on his stomach and laid an arm around Yuuri. 

 

"I can see those means thoughts messing with your head," Victor said, reaching up and rubbing his hand on Yuuri's forehead. 

 

He tilted his head back and playfully tried to nip at his boyfriend's fingers. Victor yelped and pulled his hand back, putting it back around Yuuri's side as he snuggled closer, resting his head on Yuuri's chest. 

 

"Sorry," Yuuri said. "I'm trying to relax."

 

"You don't have to apologize to me for anything." Victor placed a tender kiss on his sternum. "I'm just worried about you. You're gonna think yourself into an early grave, zolotse." 

 

Yuuri laughed and started petting Victor's hair. He was so grateful for him. "No more thinking," he promised. "Nap time."

 

Victor made a pleased noise and pushed into the touch, moving a little bit until he found a position he was totally comfortable in. 

 

Yuuri followed suit, trying desperately to turn off his brain. Victor was right, he could replay his worst thoughts to the point of torture if he didn't stop himself. A half hour nap with his boyfriend next to him and the world melting away would do wonders. Except to get that he'd have to turn his brain off in the first place. 

 

"Yuuri," Victor scolded after a few minutes. "I can still hear you thinking." 

 

He laughed, able to enjoy Victor's playfulness even in his worse moods. His boyfriend raised himself into his forearms and frowned down at him. "Do you want to talk about anything?"

 

Yuuri sighed. It was probably for the best. He was very private, never really enjoying talking out his personal problems, but he was also worried about Yuri and Victor was Yuri's brother. He didn't have to talk about his own stuff in order to think of ways to help the other boy. 

 

"I'm worried about Yuri," he admitted quietly. 

 

Victor's frowned deepened. "I...I know something happened this morning, and I know whatever it was isn't my business, but you said he's fine, right?"

 

"Yes, yes. He'll be fine." Yuuri played with the hair at the edge of Victor's neck. "I'm not worried about that specifically. I...he needs to meet more trans people. There are so many ways to be trans and I'm only one person. He needs to stop comparing himself to me."

 

"My Yuratchka, compare himself to other people? Really?" Victor frowned doubtfully. 

 

Yuuri laughed. "Why do you sound so surprised?"

 

Victor shrugged. "Yuri's always been...himself. He pays attention to other people so he can judge them, but he's never cared about being like them."

 

"He's never been himself," Yuuri explained quietly. "Not till now." 

 

Victor hummed in understanding and looked embarrassed, then guilty. 

 

Yuuri tapped his finger under Victor's chin from where it was hung in shame. "Hey, haven't we talked about this? You couldn't have known."

 

"But I'm his brother, I should have-"

 

"Should have what? Read his mind? Victor, come on. You didn't do anything wrong."

 

"We're not talking about me anyway." Victor smoothly changed the topic. "How do we get Yura to interact with more trans people?" 

 

Yuuri sighed. "I have no idea! I tried to tell him about some really great groups in the area but he wasn't interested."

 

Victor snorted. "Yeah, Yura has never been a club type."

 

"It's not a _club_."

 

"Doesn't matter," Victor interrupted. "I know my brother. You're never going to get him to join any kind of trans group unless you trick him into it." 

 

"Great," Yuuri said, sarcasm dripping from his voice, "you've been super helpful. Thanks for the advice."

 

Victor shrugged and pecked Yuuri on the lips before going back to his position lying down with his head on Yuuri's chest. "We both know you're the brains in this relationship." 

 

Yuuri laughed and settled, trying to relax and take a break from his thoughts. But right before he was dozing off he felt an idea forming. 

 

\---

 

"I can't believe this is my life," Yuri groaned into the pillow. He was at Beka's house and had just finished telling him about the really awkward conversation he had with Yakov. Otabek was being the useless friend he was and laughing at Yuri's misery from his place on the floor. 

 

"Stop laughing and help me," Yuri scolded, lifting another pillow and smacking Beka in the head with it.

 

"Ow!" Otabek turned around and tried to grab the pillow Yuri was hitting him with. "Stop! How am I supposed to help you?" He said between laughs and attempts to got Yuri back. "I don't want to talk to Yakov about binders either!"

 

Yuri stopped his attack and rolled over so he was on his back. "I hate this," he moaned. So many simple things in his life had become so complicated after realizing he was trans. Every time he got dressed he quadruple guessed every piece of clothing he put on because he didn't know if it made him look too girly, and he still had a section of clothes he hadn't decided if he was going to keep or not. And his period had been a disaster all because it meant something completely different now. Even his hair was an issue. 

 

Beka looked like he was going to say something but just then they both heard his mom calling him downstairs. He sighed. "I'll be right back."

 

Yuri nodded and his friend got up and left. 

 

He laid on his bed for a little bit, wallowing in his irritation. But soon he started growing bored cause Beka was taking longer than he expected. Yuri got up and wandered around Beka's room, looking at all the little knick-knacks that were so familiar to him. He brushed his hand over a picture of Otabek in a biking jacket Yuri had made for him a year ago. Beka had been obsessed with bikes since Yuri knew him and he had heard plenty about his friend's dream bike jacket. One day while bored in class he started to sketch it for him and it was coming out so nice Yuri finished the picture and gave it to him. Otabek still referred to it as "the coolest picture that existed of him" to make him blush. Reminiscing only lasted so long before he was bored again. He could still vaguely hear Beka and his mother talking downstairs, so he figured it'd be a while yet.

 

He knew Otabek sometimes kept candy in his desk for when he studied and started rifling through it to find some. When he opened the second drawer, instead of candy he found something else. Slightly tucked between some papers were a pair of cat earrings, still in the packaging. He pulled them out and examined them. The earrings were just cat faces, one bright green and the other bright orange, and both were very glittery. Yuri admired them, turning them back and forth in the sunlight to watch them sparkle. Once he got over his awe of how pretty they were Yuri realized it was weird for Beka to be hiding these in his desk. They obviously weren't for Otabek, he'd never wear something like this. The only other possibility he could come up with was they were for some other girl. Yuri couldn't believe this. Had Beka found someone to be interested in so quickly? 

 

"Hey sorry my mom-oh."

 

Yuri spun around and hid the earrings behind his back, but then realized how stupid that was and stood normally. "Uh, sorry," he said, waving the earrings around, speaking rapidly. "I wasn't snooping, I just wanted some of your study candy. I'll put them away." 

 

"Well, you already found them, no point in putting them away now." Beka walked over to his desk and opened another drawer, pulling out a chocolate bar and handing it to Yuri.

 

"Thanks," he muttered. A part of him was infuriated that Otabek could be so nonchalant about Yuri finding a present he bought for someone else, but the other part of him tried to squash it. Beka had a right to like who he wanted to like and Yuri wasn't going to push him away over a crush. 

 

"Who are they for?" Yuri wondered if he was going to come out as a masochist one day. 

 

Beka's eyebrow raised in surprise and confusion. The piercing today was a shiny dark purple tube. "What do you mean? They were for you."

 

It was his turn to be surprised. He looked down at the earrings and back up at Otabek suspiciously. "What? Me? Why were they in your drawer then?" His friend opened his mouth but Yuri interrupted him. "And what do you mean they _were_ for me?"

 

That question made Otabek look away and his cheeks darken the slightest bit. He put his hands in his jacket pockets and shuffled awkwardly. "I bought them a few weeks ago. I know you don't wear earrings usually, but I saw them and immediately thought of you so I had to get them for you. Later I thought it might be kind of weird since you don't wear earrings anyway and then you told me that you're a guy so I didn't know if I should even give them to you. I was worried if I gave them to you now you'd think I was saying you're girly or something."

 

'It wasn't fair,' Yuri thought. It wasn't fair that Beka could be so caring and understanding and...perfect. Except for how he didn't want Yuri that way anymore.

 

He shook his head, desperate to silence those thoughts. Otabek was still an amazing friend and it would _have_ to be enough. 

 

"Can I still have them?" He blurted out. 

 

The surprise on Beka's face was joined by relief. "Yeah. If you want them."

 

"Of course I want them." He brought the earrings back into the sunlight and admired the glitter once again. The cat faces were adorable, and he loved how bright the colors were. "You were right, I don't wear earrings, but these are too perfect to give up." He looked back at Beka and smirked. "I can find something to do with them."

 

"If anyone can it's you," Otabek said. He stepped closer to Yuri, close enough Yuri could smell his cologne and feel the hairs on his arms prick up in response. 

 

"I'm really glad you like them," Beka said voice low. He was standing close enough to Yuri and glancing down at him in such a way it made his eyes look a little hooded. If Yuri didn't know any better he'd say this felt a lot like before they kissed in the garage. 

 

But Yuri did know better, and he shook his head, stepping away from his friend and breaking whatever imaginary moment they were having. "I'm really glad you found me this chocolate," he joked, waving the bar around and jumping back onto Beka's bed like nothing was wrong. 

 

He focused all his attention on unwrapping the bar and taking a bite, pretending Beka's lack of response wasn't odd. 

 

\---

 

Yuri did find the perfect use for the earrings. Katsudon and Victor were insisting he go to dinner with them and some of Katsudon's friends from some LGBT club at his school or whatever. Of course, Yuri spent days picking the perfect outfit. He was wearing his hot pink button down (guys could wear pink right? Right) and black jogger pants with his black splatter print sneakers. He topped it off with his favorite leather jacket, and his binder had finally arrived so he was wearing it for the first time and feeling really, really good. 

 

Except his outfit still didn't feel quite right. Even though his shirt was bright the black sneakers, jeans, and jacket didn't give his outfit enough color. He turned back and forth in front of the mirror and thought. He just needed something to add a little bit more color. 

 

It hit him. He knew just the thing. Yuri dug through his drawers until he found the jeans he was wearing last time he saw Beka and the cat earrings in their back pocket. He examined the hoop that was meant to go through the ear and smiled when he realized it was the hoop kind with a clasp. That meant he could attach the earrings right in the center of his shoelace and have the two cats offset the black of his sneakers. 

 

He did just that and smiled down at his work proudly. He got up and admired himself in the mirror again. The cat faces sparkled every time he moved and the green and orange sparks of light complimented the splatters on his shoes perfectly. 

 

"Yuratchka!" Victor shouted from downstairs. "If you're not ready in five minutes we're going to leave without you!" 

 

"No you won't!" Yuri shouted back. They had spent so much time insisting he make it to this dinner he knew they wouldn't leave without him. Lucky for them he was ready anyway so he grabbed his wallet and phone and left. 

 

\---

 

In the car on the way to the restaurant, Yuri was nervous. He was fidgeting in his seat and pulling at his clothes and tugging at the bracelet on his wrist. He only knew a little about who he was going to meet at this dinner but it was enough to put him in the state he was in now. Normally he wouldn't care about something like this, he knew it was just his brother's way of trying to bond. But this situation was a little different. Katsudon told him that they invited some students who were still in undergrad and in the LGBTQ organization he had been in when he was an undergrad.

 

Katsudon was best friends with the current president, Phichit, so he still occasionally saw the younger students in the club. Yuri had asked if Katsudon told them he was trans and was assured that nothing was said about it, but when Katsudon introduced him as he, it wouldn't be questioned.

 

He knew summer wouldn't last forever and he'd have to go to school and decide to come out and reveal himself as trans. Still, this would be the first time Yuri would meet someone new as a trans guy. Yuri looked down and Beka's earrings twinkled up at him. He wondered what Katsudon's friends would think of his outfit. If they'd be surprised to hear Victor say he was his brother after seeing his clothes. 

 

He didn't have any more time for wondering because Victor announced they arrived and was pulling into a parking space at the restaurant. 

 

"Are they here yet?" Victor asked. 

 

"Almost," Katsudon responded as he typed away on his phone. 

 

"So who is coming again?" Yuri asked, hoping it would take his mind off of what they would think of him. 

 

Katsudon finished his message and turned in his seat to face Yuri. "Three people from the club I was in. I was the treasurer before I graduated and my friend Phichit is the president still. Minami, one of the people coming, is the treasurer now. Guang Hong and Leo aren't in charge of anything, they're just part of the club. And they're all trans, so you don't have to worry." 

 

"I'm not worried," Yuri grumbled. He realized what was going on now and was a little annoyed those two thought he wouldn't notice. Katsudon just happened to want to have dinner with members of a club he wasn't even in anymore, and they all happen to be trans and they happened to insist Yuri come along. Sure. 

 

Katsudon has kept pushing him to go to different trans-friendly groups and meet ups for his age range, but he was not interested. It just made him feel...weird. He always pictured a room full of people who were older than him and more together and weren't going home every night and agonizing about the pile of clothes he still hasn't made a decision about. Yuri never had a lot of friends or joined any clubs at school. He didn't see how the group being a group of trans kids would make him suddenly fit in better.

 

While they got out of the car to wait for the others outside of the restaurant, he started reworking his expectations. He had to admit there was a small relief in knowing all the other people who were coming were trans and at least he wouldn't have to worry about someone saying he looks more like Victor's sister or anything like that. But on the other hand, he wondered if everyone except Victor being trans would mean the others would feel comfortable asking Yuri questions. What if they asked him how long he's known? It's only been a few weeks and he's only 16, he knows plenty of trans people take much longer to figure things out. Maybe they would think he can't really know for sure that he's a guy so soon. And then they'd probably ask him if he's going to cut his hair like Yakov did the other day and give him the same surprised look when he says no, and they would look at his clothes and his jewelry and how he only realized he was trans not too long ago and think he's confused and maybe not totally a guy and-

 

"Hey Yura, are you okay?" 

 

Yuri's thoughts were interrupted by Victor putting an arm around his shoulders, and he shoved his brother away out of instinct. "I'm fine," he grumbled, stepping away from Victor and trying to calm his frantic thoughts. This situation was probably his brother's stupid idea anyway, Yuri had a right to be annoyed with him.

 

"Yura, come on," Victor frowned at him but didn't try to touch him again. "Don't be grumpy, dinner is going to be fun."

 

"Yeah," Katsudon agreed, grinning widely. "Everyone is really nice, you'll have a great time."

 

Yuri crossed his arms over his chest and glared at them both. "Yeah, whoopee, I'll have plenty of fun at this support group you two tricked me into attending."

 

He felt satisfaction at the guilty expressions Victor and Katsudon now had. They looked at each other and had some silent conversation Yuri had no interest in, until Katsudon looked back at him, face now doing its best to look understanding and innocent.

 

"We didn't _trick_ you, Yuri. We never lied about anything, and this isn't a support group. I wanted you to come to dinner with me and some of my friends."

 

"You and some trans kids that are closer to my age then yours! I don't need you to socialize me like I'm a dog!"

 

"God, you're so dramatic," Victor said, rolling his eyes. "Sorry we just want you to meet some new people."

 

"Oh please, this stupid plan was probably your idea. You just think I'm such a loser I need you to make friends for me."

 

"It was my idea," Katsudon chimed in, "and that's not what this is about. I'm not trying to make friends for you, and I get that groups and meetups aren't your thing which is why I thought this would be better."

 

Yuri crossed his arms and looked away, starting to understand Katsudon's point. The other man continued speaking.

 

"It's low stakes! All we're going to do is have dinner. If you hate everyone and don't want to be here then all we do is go home after dinner. That's it." 

 

Yuri turned around and leaned against the side of the restaurant behind him. 

"Fine," he muttered. 

 

He didn't look up but he could feel Victor rolling his eyes again. "It better be fine because there's no way I'm driving you back home just because you want to throw a fit." 

 

"I could take the bus you ass," he retorted, but Victor ignored him. 

 

He looked back down and the glittering cats on his sneakers managed to bring a smile to his face. Maybe he could have Beka come pick him up. He'd pull up to the restaurant and Yuri could hop on the bike and speed off in the middle of dinner. His own knight in shining leather. 

 

Yuri pulled out his phone and messaged Otabek. 

 

**Dinner is a guise for touchy-feely kumbaya stuff. Send help.**

 

The little dots saying Otabek was responding appeared and soon his message followed. 

 

**Make friends**

 

Yuri frowned and rolled his eyes. 

 

**Traitor.**

 

**Talking to people won't kill you**

 

 **How can you be so sure!?** Yuri typed hurriedly. He sent that message and immediately started another. 

 

**Are you willing to bet my life on it???? If this does kill me I'm haunting your ass**

 

**Looking forward to it**

 

Yuri could just picture his insufferable smirking. 

 

**Some friend you are :(**

 

Beka's response came quickly, the other never missing a beat when it came to Yuri sassing him. 

 

**Guess that means you'll have to talk to people and find a new friend**

 

Yuri glared and was going to respond but was interrupted by a high pitched shout of "YUURI!" He flinched on instinct, thinking the shouting was directed at him. But then he turned and saw a blonde boy grabbing Katsudon into a hug, his brother's boyfriend looking a bit uncomfortable. 

 

"Hi Minami, it's good to see you," Katsudon said, patting his attacker on the back awkwardly. "You remember Victor," he said, pulling out of the hug to thrust his boyfriend forward. 

 

"Of course I do! Hi Victor!" Minami pulled Victor into a hug as well, albeit a shorter and much less enthusiastic one. 

 

The two other guys with Minami were greeting Katsudon and Victor and Yuri hung back with his hands in his pockets until Victor grabbed his arm and pulled him forward. 

 

"Everyone, this is my younger brother Yuri." His stomach clenched and he felt that stupid giddy smile appearing on his face. Victor had been great at his pronouns, not misgendering him once, but this was still the first time Victor had ever introduced him to other people as his younger brother and it made Yuri feel proud. He may have a lot more to figure out but he at least has that much figured out. He is Victor's younger brother. 

 

"Ha, you're dating someone with your brother's name, isn't that weird?" Minami laughed. 

 

"No."

"Yes."

 

Yuri and Victor answered at the same time. He rolled his eyes. "Victor doesn't think it's weird cause he's already a weirdo." 

 

Before his brother could respond the other two club members stepped forward and introduced themselves. The taller brown haired guy stuck out his hand. "Hi Yuri, I'm Leo. And this is my boyfriend Guang Hong." 

 

"Hi," Guang Hong said, waving with the hand not holding Leo's. 

 

"Nice to meet you," Yuri muttered. The number of people around them was growing and Yuri wished they could go to their table already, the crowd heightening his anxiety. Minami was talking rapidly, filling Katsudon in on what their club had been up to last semester. 

 

Yuri glanced around at the people standing around them and wondered what their little group looked like to everyone else. He wondered if people thought they looked weird, or could tell that they were mostly trans. Leo and Katsudon didn't look it, but Minami was built more like Yuri, thin and more feminine looking, and Guang Hong was very obviously not wearing a binder. Yuri couldn't help admiring him for that. He knew not every trans person felt the same about binding but he couldn't wrap his head around being so comfortable with everyone knowing. Even while wearing his binder right now he still felt inadequate. Guang Hong was bigger than him, and broader, had stubble dotting his chin and didn't dress in skinny jeans and hot pink shirts as far as Yuri knew. He looked down at his sneakers and wondered if the glittery cats were too much. He felt like such a child compared to everyone else. 

 

"Oh my god!" Minami's yelling once again made Yuri jump, but this time it _was_ directed at him. "Look at your sneakers!" the other boy continued to yell, walking over to Yuri and pointing at his shoes. "Those cats are so adorable!" 

Everyone else looked as well and Yuri felt the red creeping up his face. "Thanks," he said quietly. 

 

"Huh, those are cool. Are they new?" Victor asked him. 

 

"Yeah, uh, Beka got them for me," the redness on his face increased when he saw the knowing smirk on Victor's face. "They're earrings," he explained, since Minami, Leo and Guang Hong were all bent over staring at his feet. "But I don't wear earrings so I hooked them onto my laces."

 

"That's really creative," Leo complimented. 

 

"Yeah!" Minami chimed in. "I never would have thought to do something like that. You're outfit is awesome!"

 

"Yuri is a little fashion expert," Victor said proudly, throwing an arm over his shoulders. "He cares about his clothes more than he cares about me," he joked with a faux pout.

 

"My clothes don't annoy me," Yuri muttered. The others just laughed and Victor kept embarrassing him. 

 

"And if his clothes do annoy him, he'll just alter them until they stop!"

 

Minami tilted his head to the side curiously. "Can you sew?"

 

"Only a little," Yuri said, but Victor had to butt in.

 

"Please, he sews things all the time. He's even made his own clothes!"

 

"Really? I didn't know that Yuri," Katsudon said, looking impressed.

 

Yuri shook his head, feeling embarrassed. Victor always wanted to exaggerate things. "I made a shirt and two pairs of shorts, and none of them were very good. Otherwise, I only do simple hems and alterations. It's not a big deal." His hopes that the conversation could end there were dashed when he caught the mischievous look on his older brother's face.

 

"You also have sketchbooks filled with your own fashion designs."

 

Everyone's faces lit up with curiosity and Yuri knew he was about to face a barrage of questions. He was going to murder Victor.

 

"That's so cool!" Yuri wondered why Minami felt the need to yell everything he wanted to say. "Have you made any? Do you have pictures? Can I see?"

 

"How am I just hearing about this?" Katsudon asked with a laugh.

 

"Because it's not a big deal!" Yuri insisted. "They're just doodles, don't listen to Victor."

 

"He keeps them in his bottom desk drawer if you want to see them sometime," his traitor brother offered.

 

"Victor shut up!" 

 

"Alright you two," Katusdon interrupted, coming to Yuri's resuce. "Our table is ready. You can continue fighting inside." 

 

The conversation kept rolling as they walked into the restaurant. Guang Hong was asking him about what kind of clothes he liked and the outfits he drew, but he thankfully was being polite and not making a big deal about it. Even though Yuri was going to kill Victor for airing out his dirty laundry like that, he was glad that he was able to keep up a conversation with everyone else. 

 

\---

 

The fashion talk broke the ice for the rest of the night and Yuri had a great time talking and eating with everyone. He tried to avoid talking too much to Minami. He was nice and all but quickly started to grate on Yuri's nerves and he didn't want to let his agitation get the best of him and make him come off like an asshole. Minami was obsessed with talking to Katsudon anyway, constantly asking him what he thought about this or that idea for the club, so he didn't seem concerned with whether or not Yuri was avoiding speaking with him. 

 

Yuri spent most of the night talking with Leo and Guang Hong about what school was like and stuff like that. Leo had a sarcastic sense of humor Yuri could appreciate, and Guang Hong was nice, and also quiet. He didn't worry anymore about what people were thinking about them or what they looked like all night, too involved in the conversation. 

 

Leo needed a cigarette so Guang Hong, Minami and Yuri went out to join him, leaving Victor and Katsudon inside to keep being gross and sharing a dessert. 

 

The couple leaned against the brick outside the restaurant and Leo lit his cigarette, Yuri and Minami standing on either side of them. They were quiet, basking in the sounds of people walking by them and the warm breeze of a summer night. 

 

The peace around them was broken by Minami letting out a groan of pain and stretching against the wall. 

 

"Are you okay?" Leo asked him, blowing out a line of smoke and frowning. 

 

"I'm trying a new binder." Minami pouted. "It's not very comfortable." 

 

"Do you want to go inside and take it off?" Guang Hong offered. "I have my backpack in the car. You can put it in there." 

 

"It's okay," Minami smiled at Guang Hong appreciatively. "We won't be here that much longer. It's not that bad."

 

"This is why I stopped wearing them," Guang Hong joked. "Fuck binders." 

 

"Isn't it weird though? Knowing everyone can tell?" Yuri asked, and then immediately regretted it. Guang Hong's comfort with saying he doesn't want to use binders surprised Yuri so much he just blurted the question out, not thinking about how invasive it was. "S-sorry," he stammered, thinking about how he had been so close to having a nice night. 

 

"Hey, it's okay. I get it." Guang Hong smiled at him and nudged their shoulders together lightly. "It was uncomfortable at first. But I mean, I'm so big a binder wouldn't make it so you couldn't tell that I have breasts anyway, so what's the point of torturing myself? I'm trans. It's not a secret, and I'm happy I know I'm trans so I'm not going to worry about other people knowing. Being trans is about making yourself comfortable, not other people. I hate binders and they don't do much for me anyway so I have zero interest in using them."

 

Yuri stuck his hands in his pockets and drummed his fingers against his thighs. "That's really cool," he said. He hated how impressed his tone sounded like he was a little kid who's sibling showed them a new trick, but he couldn't help himself. He was impressed that Guang Hong could be so comfortable with himself without being fully transitioned.

 

"Yeah well, we can't all be like big manly Leo over here." Guang Hong nudged his boyfriend in the side and Minami giggled at the fake pout Leo put on. The other boy was blushing and trying to dodge Minami and Guang Hong's hands that were squeezing his biceps and petting his facial hair. 

 

"Oh Leo, you're so big and strong, I could just swoon. Catch me!" Minami pretended to faint and Leo laughed but grabbed him. "Stop! I'm going to burn you," he said around laughter, trying to keep Minami upright without getting his cigarette on him. Yuri laughed along while Minami kept himself dead weight until Leo had succeeded in getting him upright and against the brick. 

 

"He's the most stereotypically looking of us three so we like to tease him and say he's the real manly man." Minami said, eyes twinkling with laughter and face flushed from being upside down. 

 

Leo rolled his eyes and Guang Hong kissed him on the cheek. Yuri's phone vibrated in his pocket and he was distracted from the happy scene in front of him by a vibration in his pocket. He saw Beka's name on his phone and couldn't help looking at Leo and Guang Hong sharing kisses before opening the new message.

 

**Do I need to start planning your funeral? Or did you survive?**

 

**No, but you can start planning Victor's. Or better yet help me hide the body when I smother him in his sleep tonight**

 

**Hahaha what happened?**

 

**He told everyone about my clothing designs and tried to turn it into a thing :(**

 

**hey you know how he is. It could have been much worse**

 

Yuri rolled his eyes. Beka was useless at venting to. 

 

**Are you gonna help me hide the body or not?**

 

Beka sent him back a thumbs up and Yuri laughed. He leaned back against the wall and faced forward, sticking his feet out in front of him slightly. The angle was perfect, the two cats catching the light overhead and glinting cheerfully. He snapped a picture and sent it to Beka. 

 

**Your gift was a hit**

 

 **That's really cool!** Beka sent back immediately. The ellipses popped up and soon there was another message. **I knew you'd find something awesome to do with them!**

 

**Couldn't let a great gift go to waste :)**

 

**Neither could I**

 

"Who are you talking to!" Yuri jumped when Minami appeared next to him, smiling over his shoulder. 

 

"A friend," Yuri snapped, blackening his screen and putting his phone back in his jacket pocket. 

 

"I'm finished," Leo said, dropping his cigarette butt and crushing it with his foot. "We should go back inside." He took Guang Hong's hand and Yuri and Minami followed them inside. Yuri looked at their interlocked hands and couldn't help squeezing the phone in his pocket. 

 

\---

 

"So, yeah, besides Victor opening his big mouth dinner went pretty well." 

 

"Sounds nice," Otabek mumbled absentmindedly. Yuri could hear typing and the rustling of papers through the phone. 

 

"It was," he began, having a sense Otabek wasn't listening to him. "Victor said I should become a trapeze artist and join the circus." 

 

"Cool," Beka said, confirming Yuri's suspicions and making him snicker. 

 

"Beka!" He yelled into the phone and laughed when he heard the thump and mumbled curses on the other end. 

 

"Fuck!" There was more cursing and movement and then a soft, "sorry Yuri. I was listening I swear."

 

"It's okay," he said, amusement still clear in his voice. "Working on college stuff?" 

 

"Yeah," Beka sighs heavily. "These applications are killing me."

 

"Sucks," Yuri agreed as he drew a soft curve in his sketchbook. 

 

"Wait until next year. You'll understand my pain then," Beka said solemnly. "Have you thought about what you want to study yet?" 

 

Yuri groaned. He was going to get enough of this from Yakov and Victor, he didn't need it from Beka too. "Don't," he said, and it was Beka's turn to laugh. "It took me 16 years to figure out what fucking gender I am, how am I supposed to pick a career in one?" 

 

Beka laughed even harder and Yuri but his lip to contain his smile. It felt good, being comfortable enough to crack a joke like that and have his best friend laugh without any awkwardness. Yuri heard a thump on the other end of the line followed by another tired groan. 

 

"I can't deal with this anymore," Beka whimpered. 

 

"Take a break," Yuri told him. "It's almost dinner time anyway. That's the perfect excuse." 

 

Beka yawned, and Yuri was bracing himself for their call to end so Beka could go take a nap. Instead, Beka finished his yawn and said, "come to dinner with me." 

 

"What? Now?" 

 

"Yeah. I'm tired after dealing with this all day and I'm hungry and don't want to think about college anymore. Let's hang out. There's actually a new restaurant I want to try."

 

Otabeks family ate out often since his parents worked so much so for a teenager he had really good taste in restaurants. Yakov liked to cook so Yuri's family ate out pretty rarely, but every now and then Otabek would want Yuri to try a restaurant and they would scrape together enough allowance to go. 

 

"Yeah, why not," Yuri agreed. It had been awhile since they ate at an actual restaurant. "Just let me finish this drawing and get dressed. Where are we going?"

 

Beka was silent and Yuri thought he was trying to remember the name or something until his friend finally spoke up. "You know what? It's a surprise." Beka's voice was tinged with mischief. 

 

"What? No come on," Yuri whined. He didn't really like surprises. "How am I supposed to know what to wear if you don't tell me where we're going."

 

"Just wear something nice."

 

"Excuse you! I always look nice!"

 

"Exactly. You have nothing to worry about. I'll pick you up in an hour. Bye."

 

"Wait! Beka just tell me where we-" but Otabek had already hung up. Yuri's phone vibrated and he pulled it away from his ear, seeing a text from Beka. 

 

**You always look *thumbs up***

 

Yuri rolled his eyes and threw the phone on his bed. "Asshole," he muttered. But he closed his sketchbook and hurried to get dress. Not believing Beka expected him to be ready in an hour. 

 

\---

 

After telling Yakov he was going to eat with Beka, and no he didn't know where because Beka wouldn't tell him, he left his house and walked over to his friend who was waiting for him on his bike in the street. Yuri couldn't resist a small smile at the site. The evening sun was illuminating Otabek just right, the figure of him in his dark clothes and black bike outlined in a halo of light. Yuri wanted to preserve this image to draw later, and he also saw a fleeting image of a black jacket outlined in just the right yellow/orange material. Threads or studs or something else, but it would be pretty cool. He wondered if he could make something like that and give it to Otabek or if that would be too weird. 

 

But right now he couldn't do any of that so he climbed on behind Beka instead. 

 

"Hey" the other boy greeted, handing Yuri a helmet. 

 

"Are you going to tell me where we're going yet?" 

 

Beka just smirked at him and shook his head. "Nope. You'll be there soon enough anyway." 

 

"Jerk," Yuri said. He secured his helmet, making sure not to mess up his braid, and wrapped his arms around Beka's waist. He felt his friend shift and for a second was worried this was too far. Maybe after Otabek losing interest in him once he knew Yuri was trans this was a little too much contact. But Beka settled and then turned to wink at Yuri. 

 

"Ready?" 

 

"Yeeesss. I wanna know where we're going already!" 

 

Otabek laughed but complied, kicking the bike and they sped off. 

 

It didn't take long for them to arrive, Beka pointing out a German restaurant that Yuri knew opened recently. While Beka slowed and searched for somewhere to park his bike Yuri admired the building. It was decorated like something out of a fairytale. The Windows all had heavy foliage decoration that made it look like you were looking into a forest, with fairy lights bordering the window. The small line of sight available showed small dark wood tables with tablecloths and small candles. 

 

"This is where we're eating?" Yuri asked as they both dismounted from the bike. 

 

Beka tried to shrug carelessly, but Yuri could see the hint of bashfulness in his expression. "Yeah. It's supposed to be really good. I thought we could try it." 

 

They got inside and were greeted by the hostess. It was a weeknight so there weren't as many people and they were seated almost immediately. Yuri flipped through the menu and was glad to see that even though there were plenty of expensive items most were reasonable.

 

"I'm glad the prices aren't too bad 'cause I only have 30 dollars on me right now."

 

"Don't worry about that."

 

Yuri looked up but his friend's expression was hidden behind his menu. "What?" 

 

"I'll pay," he repeated, face still strategically hidden. "Don't worry about it." 

 

Yuri shook his head, confused. "No Beka come on. You don't have to do that." 

 

"I want to," Otabek insisted, still not raising his eyes from his menu. "I invited you out, just let me." 

 

Yuri sighed, making sure his irritation was known, but accepted. He wasn't going to fight free dinner too much. 

 

They both looked over the menu, making small talk about the dishes they saw. It wasn't until they ordered and had their drinks in front of them that Yuri brought up something he couldn't stop thinking about since the dinner with Katsudon's friends. 

 

"The other night when I was at that dinner Leo, one of Katsudon's friends, asked if I was considering studying fashion at university." He kept his eyes on his drink, stirring his straw slowly. 

 

"What did you say?" 

 

Yuri glanced up and away, biting his lip thoughtfully. "I said no, 'cause I haven't considered it but...I don't know. I haven't been able to think of anything else I want to study and going to college for fashion would be pretty cool."

 

"So do it," Beka said. He said it so easily as if he was telling Yuri to take a nap and not talking about his whole future. 

 

"I don't know if I can. I haven't even made that many clothes, just a few little things. I'd have to increase my sewing skills a lot before I apply, and I can't just draw random designs whenever I feel like it. I'd actually need to build a portfolio."

 

"So don't do it." 

 

Beka's face looked completely serious, but Yuri's known him long enough to catch the twinkle in his eye and the small upturn in the corner of his mouth.

 

"You're a dick," Yuri told him, blushing when their waitress chose that moment to set a basket of bread between them and probably heard him. 

 

Beka shrugged, still trying to keep up his facade. "Well I mean if you think it's too hard for you..."

 

"Stop being a jackass!" Yuri kicked Beka for good measure and they both laughed when the couple at the table next to them gave them funny looks. 

 

"I can't take you anywhere," Beka tsked and Yuri glared at him. 

 

"I'm trying to have a serious conversation about my future and you just want to joke. Some friend you are." 

 

Otabek smiled at his teasing, gentle and disarming. Yuri cursed the swoop of his stomach but he couldn't blame it. Beka looked gorgeous in the dim lighting of the restaurant, the small candle between them casting shadows in all the right areas.

 

"You know what I'm gonna say," Beka said seriously. "Of course I think you should do it. Maybe you'd have some catching up to do before you apply, but I have no doubt that you can do it if you really want it." 

 

Yuri picked up a piece of bread and started spreading butter on it. "How am I supposed to know if I really want it though?" 

 

"I guess you have to figure that out first." 

 

Yuri bit into the bread and chewed thoughtfully. Thinking about his future used to scare the crap out of him and Victor and Yakov couldn't get him to talk about it no matter what they did. But now it seemed a little less daunting. He was still overwhelmed but it seemed less impossible. He managed to figure out that he was a guy, how hard could figuring out what he wanted to study in college be? 

 

They moved on to lighter topics, talking about the food and the decor of the restaurant, and if Yuri had any more awkward conversations with Yakov. Once their food came they both fell silent, too concentrated on eating to even speak. The food was so amazing they couldn't focus on anything else. It wasn't until they were halfway through that someone spoke. 

 

They were both full but couldn't help ordering dessert. The rest of the food was so good they knew the dessert would be amazing and had to try it. Since they were full they decided to share a Germknödel. It was delicious, and a little messy. They were both laughing at their struggle to eat it without getting jam all over their faces.

 

Faster than he expected Yuri was putting his for down and resting his arms on the table. "That was so good." 

 

Beka didn't answer him, too involved in finishing his last few bites, but he glanced up and started laughing. "You have jam on your nose." 

 

"Crap, where?" Yuri picked up his napkin and rubbed furiously at his nose. He set the napkin back down, thinking he must have gotten the spot but Beka was still laughing at him. 

 

"What now?" Yuri grumbled.

 

"All you managed to do is get paper stuck to your nose. Here." 

 

Beka dipped his hand in his cup of water and reached over the table. He held Yuri's chin gently and used his wet thumb to wipe at Yuri's nose. "There." They looked at each other and Beka kept his hand in place, moving his thumb to run along Yuri's cheek instead of his nose. "You look nice tonight." 

 

Yuri's stomach clenched and he knew he was blushing, he just didn't know if Beka could feel it. He searched his friend's face trying to figure out what he was thinking, but Beka was as stoic as ever. 

 

Was he serious? This was clearly more than friendly, even if they were affectionate with each other it was never like this. Was Beka making fun of him? Or was he confused? Maybe with his hair braided and the atmosphere of the restaurant, Beka forgot he was a guy now and no longer kissing material. 

 

Beka smirked a little, thumb still running gently over his cheek. "Aren't you gonna repay the compliment?"

 

The little joke was enough to snap Yuri out of his stupor and he pulled away from the hand on his skin, desperately needing to clear his head. He felt bad when he saw Beka's face fall while his hand hung in the empty space, but it was nothing compared to Yuri's confusion of what Otabek thought he was doing in the first place. 

 

"Beka, what are you-I thought..."

 

"Nothing. Sorry." 

 

They both looked away from each other and Yuri played with his bracelet. He was burning up with questions but was too afraid to ask any of them. If Beka did that because he really did forget Yuri was a guy he knew he couldn't bear it. 

 

They kept sitting there, even after the waiter came and offered them the check. As he watched Beka pay and wait for the receipt he feared their great night was ruined. He desperately wanted to leave the restaurant and run all the way home to hide his embarrassment but he couldn't. A. He lived too far for that to be practical and B. He had run away from Beka enough. He couldn't keep hiding from his friend every time things got a little difficult. 

 

Thankfully, after putting the receipt back in the holder and tapping the pen on the table frantically, Beka finally spoke. 

 

"Do you want to go to the park?" 

 

"What?" Yuri's head snapped up, looking directly at his friend for the first time since their awkward moment. "Now?" 

 

"Yeah. Come on, it's late and no one will be there. It'll be fun." 

 

Yuri saw the hopeful look in his eyes and finally recognized what this was. A request for them to move forward, act like it never happened. 

 

Yuri smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, let's do it." 

 

\---

 

Yuri was once again worried that the bike ride might be awkward after what happened at the restaurant, but sometimes the back of Otabek's bike felt as familiar to him as his own house and any awkwardness didn't last for long. By the time they arrived at the park nearest to their houses he was optimistic the moment could be put behind them. If they could break their awkward silence, that is. 

 

Yuri saw the shadowy figures of the play area and broke into a run, yelling at Otabek behind him. "I bet I can swing higher than you!" 

 

He heard the laughter and footsteps behind him but didn't turn around. Instead kept running toward the swings. When he reached one he grabbed hold of the chains and jumped on. By the time Beka caught up with him he was already upright and gaining momentum, enjoying the breeze going through his hair and how tall he felt standing on the swing. 

 

Beka climbed onto the swing next to him, also choosing to stand, and began pumping his legs wildly. Yuri laughed so hard he nearly fell off. "What are you doing?" 

 

Beka stopped his manic pumping and looked at Yuri. "I'm trying to swing! I don't remember how to swing standing up anymore." He tried again and Yuri laughed harder. 

 

"Well it's not like that! Oh my god you should see what you look like!" 

 

Beka kept up his futile attempt and Yuri was laughing so hard he had to stop swinging and sit down because his legs couldn't hold him. 

 

He rested his head against the cool metal chain of the swing. 

 

Beka gave a few more futile attempts and then gave up, flopping down onto his own swing. They were both laughing now and Yuri was glad, it felt like things were again back to normal. 

 

"Thanks for coming tonight," Otabek said quietly once their laughter died down. 

 

"I needed it. School hasn't even started yet but my parents want to talk about nothing but college." He looked away and Yuri could see his whole body tensed up, as if just talking about it was stressing him out. 

 

"Hey." Yuri pushed his swing closer and touched Beka's arm gently. "I know it's overwhelming now but you're smart, you'll be fine. And once you get in I'm sure you'll love it. Cool classes and new people and cute college girls." 

 

Yuri didn't know where that last part came from, but he instantly regretted it. Going by the way Beka's face darkened and his mood shifted it was an incredibly stupid thing to say. Yuri opened and closed his mouth, wanting to find something to say to smooth things over but coming up empty. A tense silence hung between them until Otabek turned to face him again, wearing a cold, blocked off expression Yuri had never seen directed at him before. 

 

"Why would you say something like that?" 

 

"I...I...I just," he choked out. Beka looked hurt now and Yuri wanted nothing more than to undo what was causing him pain. 

 

"That's not fair," Beka continued. "I understand you're not interested anymore but that doesn't mean I'm going to be over you just like that." 

 

"Wait Beka I didn't mean-" the words came pouring out of Yuri, tripping over each other in his rush to get them out, until what his friend just said fully hit him. 

 

"WHAT? What do you mean _I'm_ not interested?" 

 

Otabek narrowed his eyes and frowned. "Are you making fun of me?"

 

"No! I'm fucking confused. _You're_ the one who isn't interested!" He pointed at Beka, as if the other boy could think he was talking about anyone else. 

 

"Yuri, that doesn't make any sense-"

 

"Yes it does! I told you I'm a trans and then you weren't interested! You said you just wanted to be friends!" 

 

"I said I always want to be your friend! And that's true! Our friendship is the most important thing to me! But doesn't didn't mean I don't want to date you!" 

 

Yuri felt as lost as Otabek looked. He felt like his world was tilting and he had to grab the swing chain tightly. "But...but you never mentioned being interested in guys." 

 

Beka threw his arms out in exasperation. "You never asked! And I _tried_ to show you I was still interested! I tried to kiss you in my room and you changed the subject. I thought maybe you had a lot going on and wanted to take some time but you haven't responded to any of my flirting and I even took you out on a date and flirted with you at the restaurant but you pushed me away!" 

 

"Oh my god", Yuri said slowly as the realization dawned on him. "This is a date. Oh my god. Beka." Yuri shuffled closer and put his hand back on the other's arm, knowing both of them were feeling more vulnerable than they usually were around each other. "Back at the restaurant I thought...well I thought you were confused."

 

Otabek tilted his head and looked at him quizzically. "What?" 

 

Yuri gestured at himself with his free hand. "I have my hair braided and everything. I thought you forgot I'm not a girl." 

 

Beka's eyes showed a hint of sadness and he shook his head. "I could never forget. I know you." 

 

He shifted his arm and Yuri's hand slid further down it, their palms landing together. Yuri's stomach clenched in time with their fingers intertwining. He stared at their linked hands in wonder and looked back up.

 

"Beka. You said I never asked, so I'm asking now. Do you like guys?"

 

"I don't know Yuri." Beka shook his head in frustration. "And I don't care. I _know_ I like you and I don't care what it means about me. I just..." Beka shuffled himself closer to Yuri and cupped his cheek. "All I know for sure is I really want to kiss you again."

 

Yuri stared at Beka's face, so determined and unwavering and familiar, and licked his lips. "Too late," he said softly. He had a second to enjoy the confusion on his friend's face before he pulled Beka in the rest of the way and kissed him.

 

It was imperfect. They both had to fight the resistance of their swings being pulled in the wrong direction, and the movement of the swings kept throwing them off balance but it didn't matter. All that matter was they were kissing again and Beka was still interested and he wouldn't have to keep pretending like being only friends was enough. Yuri just managed to lose himself in the kiss when he felt hands pushing at his shoulders.

 

"Mmm, Yuri, wait." 

 

He pulled himself away and looked at Beka, admiring how flustered his friend looked.

 

"There's something else I know," Beka said, and the serious expression he carried made Yuri nervous.

 

"What?" 

 

Beka trailed one hand from Yuri's shoulder up his neck, running a thumb along his jaw. "I really want you to be my boyfriend." 

 

Yuri smiled so big he thought he felt a pain in his cheeks and jumped out of the swing, tangling his leg in the seat in the process but too focused on pulling his boyfriend in for another kiss to care. 

 

\---

 

**Epilogue**

 

Yuri took a sharp turn into the Altin’s garage and jumped off his still moving bike, in too much of a rush to worry about stopping. He couldn’t even be bothered to chain it up, instead heading straight for the front door. He pressed the doorbell continuously until Otabek’s mom opened the door.

 

“Hi Ms. Altin. I really need to see Beka.” His leg jiggle nervously as he waited for her to let him in, hand crumpling the edge of the envelope he was gripping for dear life.

 

She could clearly see it was important and stepped aside wordlessly, allowing Yuri to run for Otabek’s room, taking the stairs two at a time.

 

This afternoon he was checking the mail and saw the letter from the university he had been waiting for. Beka was still with his parents for winter break during his own first year at college and when Yuri saw what it was he knew he had to go to Beka. 

 

He reached his boyfriend’s door and didn’t even bother knocking, throwing it open and startling Beka who was listening to music on his bed. 

 

“Yuri? Are you okay? What’s going on,” He asked while taking his earbuds out.

 

“Look!” Yuri shoved the envelope at him.

 

Beka’s eyes went wide and he looked up at Yuri and back at the envelope in surprise. They both had so much riding on this one little envelope. Yuri had applied to plenty of fashion programs this year, but the one he wanted most was the one at the same school Beka was currently attending. They did a decent job with their long distance relationship so far, especially because they had been dating for a year before Beka went off to college, and his school was close enough they could visit some weekends. But Yuri had no interest in continuing this way for another year.

 

“Why haven’t you opened it?”

 

Yuri turned the envelope back around so it was facing him and ducked his head, letting his hair cover his face. “I can’t.” He didn’t notice until now how hard his hands were trembling. He felt big warms hands cup his chin and lift his face up. 

 

“Yuri, you killed your application. I know you did. Open it.” They kissed and Yuri swore he could feel the reassurance through it.

 

He nodded once and ripped open the envelope, yanking out the letter and unfolding. He scanned it quickly and when his eyes found the words “accepted” he screamed and jumped into his boyfriend’s arms. 

 

“I got in!”

 

Beka picked him up and spun him around and they laughed together, landing on Beka’s bed in a heap. Yuri leaned up on his elbows and looked down at his boyfriend beneath him.

 

“Can you believe this? We’re going to the same college.” 

 

“I knew you could do it.” Beka gently kissed him again. “Now I can actually prove to people you’re real.”

 

Yuri laughed. “I don’t believe people think you’re lying when you say I’m your boyfriend.”

 

“They do!” Beka insisted. “They don’t understand how someone as cool and hot as you would want to be with boring me.”

 

He laughed again and leaned in for another quick peck. “Let them think you’re boring,” he muttered as he trailed kisses across Beka’s jaw. “That means fewer people trying to take my man.”

 

Beka let out a full belly laugh and pulled Yuri back in for another kiss, this one deeper and brimming with emotion.

 

“I’m so proud of you,” he said when they pulled away.

 

“I love you,” Yuri blurted out. It wasn’t new, but the rare times he said it always made him blush and feel embarrassed. 

 

Beka ran a hand through his hair and smiled up at him. “I love you too, Yuri. You’re going to be amazing.”

**Author's Note:**

> Holy shit I am just relieved this fic is finally done. Thanks for reading!


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